The Fabio Story
by Drop Your Oboe
Summary: Features Numair, Neal, and Numair's brother, Fabio. Very random, and maybe funny if you have the same kind of sense of humor as me. If not you will probably just think its stupid. Early chapters will be redone soon.
1. Chapter 1

The Fabio Story

**A/N: Everyone, just so you aren't confused, Fabio is Numair's non-existant brother. But he exists now!**

Chapter I:

"Numair!" yelled a high pitched voice from downstairs. Numair looked up from the email he was writing to Daine, and decided to see what his mother wanted.

"Numair, Fabio tells me that you wouldn't let him use the computer, is that correct?"

"Mom, Fabio was bothering me when I was emailing Daine!"

"That is no excuse to be mean to your little brother!"

"Mom, it isn't fair," Fabio whined, "Numair is always emailing his friends and he won't let me use the computer!"

"Numair, I have had enough of this!" his mother shouted. "You may not use the computer for a month."

"But Mom..."

"That's enough, or I will make it two months."

Numair stomped upstairs and slammed his bedroom door. Fabio walked into the room, smirking.

"Can I have the computer now. Please." Fabio 'asked.' Numair deleted his email and slammed the top of the laptop down. He shoved it into Fabio's hands, then pushed Fabio out of his room.

He would have to write to Daine the old fashioned way. He got out a piece of notebook paper and a mechanical pencil. He clicked it twice, but no lead came out. He rummaged through his desk and found a Bic pen. "Dear Dai..." he started to write. The pen ran out of ink. He scribbled at the top of the page, but no ink came out.

After searching his room entirely for half an hour, he could not find another writing utensil. "I give up!" he muttered to himself. He picked up his cellphone and dialed a number. "Hello, this is Numair. May I speak to Jon," he asked politely.

"Hello," said Jon's voice through the phone.

"Hi, this is Numair."

"Oh, hi. How's Daine doing?"

"I don't know; my mom took away my computer priveleges."

"What did you do this time, Numair?"

"Nothing. Really."

"Mhm. Yeah, I believe you," said Jon sarcastically.

"So the point is, can I borrow your computer? Please?"

"Well..."

"PLEASE?"

"You know..."

"PLEASE!"

" Ok. Fine. Whatever. But you can't stay at my house."

" Why not?"

"Because I said so. You can go to Panera. But don't spill water on it! One time, Aly spilled water on Alanna's computer and it took her a whole month to get it fixed."

"Ok. I won't. I promise. I will be over in ten minutes to get it."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Numair sat at a table the local Tortall Panera. He was busy yelling at Gary, Raoul, and Alanna about how to spell (on IM), when Fabio IMed him. The conversation went like this:

Fabio6382: NUMAIR WHAT R U DOING?

wildmagelvr: iming obviously

Fabio6382: ooooh mom said u couldn't use the computer for a month

wildmagelvr: what they don't know wont hurt them

Fabio6382: oooh im telling mommy on u

wildmagelvr: No! I'll introduce u to Daine if u don't

Fabio6382: ooooh u r gonna be in trouble. im gonna tell mommy that u r on the computer at daine's house.

wildmagelvr: who said i am at daine's house?

Fabio6382: I did

wildmagelvr: well im not

Fabio6382: oooooh did u steal a computer

wildmagelvr: there's more than 1 computer in Tortall, stupid

Fabio6382: oooh u stole a computer. u don't have any friends!

wildmagelvr: what about alanna? what about jon? and kel? and raoul? and george?

Fabio6382: oooh i'm telling mommy

wildmagelvr: and kaddar!

Fabio6382: ok i'll tell mommy u stole jon's computer

wildmagelvr: did not! Wait, y r u at Alanna's house?

Fabio6382: u r gonna be grounded

wildmagelvr :so r u! go home right now!

Fabio6382: u can't go to daine's house for a month. mommy said so!

wildmagelvr: u can't go to alanna's house!

Fabio6382: i'm not! i am at the library.

wildmagelvr: and what r u doing at the library?

Fabio6382: using their computer obviously. at least i didn't have to steal a computer.

wildmagelvr: i didn't steal! ask jon!

Fabio6382: no!

wildmagelvr: i didn't steal jon's computer ok?

Fabio6382: i am gonna tell mommy that u went to jon's house to "borrow" his computer.

wildmagelvr: DID NOT! HE LET ME USE IT AND I AM AT PANERA!

Fabio6382: i am gonna tell mommy that u borrowed jon's computer and panera and u didn't even get me a brownie!

wildmagelvr: how do u no i didn't!

Fabio6382: because i don't have a brownie. obviously!

wildmagelvr: well that is cuz i'm not home yet!

Fabio6382: come home now and bring me my brownie. No wait! bring it to the library!

wildmagelvr: no i am going to daine's house. i will bring it to u tomorrow!

Fabio6382: oooooh i'm telling mommy!

wildmagelvr: she said i could

Fabio6382: u r grounded!

wildmagelvr: it is a party with daine, me, lexi, eragon, kel, alanna, and jon

**(don't ask about lexi)**

Fabio6382: u didn't invite me!

wildmagelvr: it isn't my party 2 invite u 2, and we need an even number

Fabio6382: then i'll go and u can stay home!

wildmagelvr: no! but i'll tell daine that ur coming.

Fabio6382: i thought u needed an even number

wildmagelvr: well bring neal!

Fabio6382: what time is the party? is harry potter invited?

wildmagelvr: no

Fabio6382: y not?

wildmagelvr: daine doesn't know harry

Fabio6382: she should meet him. harry could bring ginny with him

wildmagelvr: no

Fabio6382: and ron and hermione could come

wildmagelvr: jon says that daine says he should bring Moaning Myrtle.

Fabio6382: i think luna lovegood would be better.

wildmagelvr: and we can eat corn dogs!

Fabio6382: yay! that is harry's favorite food!

wildmagelvr: i'll bring ur brownie tomorrow.

Fabio6382: r u gonna invite any dementors?

wildmagelvr: no, but maybe some Merit scholars.

Fabio6382: not fair! dementors have feelings too, u no!

wildmagelvr: don't bite apples, they have feelings too!

Fabio6382: we should invite the dark lord. i bet he doesn't get invited to many parties! Although he and harry don't get along so well.

wildmagelvr: who the dark lord? did u no he was ozorne's cousin?

Fabio6382: we should invite prof. umbridge!

wildmagelvr: NO!

Fabio6382: y not? i think she is just lonely!

wildmagelvr has logged off.

Numair took a piece of scrap paper out of his pocket. "Guest List," he wrote at the top of the paper. Under that heading he wrote the following names:

Daine

Me

Alanna

Kel

Jon

Lexi

Eragon

Fabio

Neal

Harry Potter

Ginny Weasley

Ron Weasley

Hermione Granger

Moaning Myrtle

Luna Lovegood

The Dementors

The Dark Lord


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: My friend told me that I forgot to do a disclaimer, so here it is.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Daine, or Numair, or any Harry Potter people, I only own Fabio. **

Chapter 3:

Numair closed his laptop and left the Panera. He drove over to Daine's house to help her get ready for the party at her house. When he got there, Daine opened the door, and he went inside.

"I just wanted to come and see if you needed any help," said Numair.

"Of course I don't need help. It's only a small party," said Daine

"Yeah, right. About that small party..."

"Numair, what did you do?"

"It wasn't me! It was Fabio!"

"Ok, then what did Fabio do?"

"Um, well, he kinda, you know..."

"WHAT HAPPENED!"

"He found out about the party and invited himself, and Neal, and Harry Potter, and Ginny Weasley, and Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger, and Moaning Myrtle, and Luna Lovegood, and the Dementors, and The Dark Lord.

"Well, they can't come!"

"Why not?"

"Well for one thing, I don't even know them."

"Oh."

"For another thing, they're not even from the same book as us."

"What about Neal?"

"Fabio and Neal can come, but the rest of them should have their own party."

"Ok, that is fine with me, but Fabio is going to be mad at you."

**A/N: sorry this chapter is really short and pointless, but the next one will be better (hopefully). Please review! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except Fabio.**

Chapter 4:

Fabio's phone rang.

"Hello," he said. "This is Fabio speaking.

"Hi, this is Daine," said Daine, "I just wanted to tell you that all your friends cannot come to my party."

"Why not! That's not fair!"

"Because I only wanted a small party. You can still come if you want to."

"If my friends can't come, then I'm not coming either!" Fabio slammed the phone down. He sat in his room. He was bored. He stared out the window for a few minutes. Then he got an idea.

He walked three and a half blocks to Neal's house. He walked around the side and saw the small window that was easy to open, even from the outside. He opened it and climbed inside.

He jumped down onto the cold basement floor. It was dark. Very dark.

" I knew I should have brought my flashlight," Fabio mutter to himself. Then he heard a noise from upstairs. He walked to the stairs and listened. It sounded kind of like singing. But it couldn't possibly be singing. Who would be singing? Maybe it was just the radio.

Fabio went upstairs to investigate. The sound became louder and louder. He leaned his ear on one door upstairs, and heard very clearly that it was Neal. He was singing "Think of Me," from Phantom of the Opera. It was very loud and very bad. Fabio covered his ears and went back to the basement.

He went around to look for something worth stealing. He saw many notebooks lined up. He took the first one and started to read. It was all about Daine's adventures. It was very good. Written on the front of all the notebooks was "The Immortals Quartet." He sat on the old armchair in the corner and read through the whole thing.

He heard the sound of the door opening upstairs. He grabbed the rest of the notebooks and escaped out the open window. He took it home and read it in his room. He decided it was so good that he should publish it. He typed up the whole thing on his computer and sent it to a publishing company.

The publishing company asked for the author's name. He didn't think Fabio was a very good name for an author. Neither was Neal. He decided to put Tamora Pierce. That sounded like a very author-y name.

The website said that it could take three-four weeks to get a responce. Since Fabio didn't want to sit and wait that long, he decided to write a sequel (or prequel) about Alanna. He called it The Song of the Lioness.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/n: Sorry this took to update. I couldn't think of anything to happen!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except Fabio.**

**Review Replies:**

**tortallanrider: I don't think Daine likes Harry Potter very much, either.**

**LandUnderWave: Fabio wrote the Kel and Ali books, too, but not for awhile.**

**Chapter 5**

Later that night, Fabio arrived at Daine's house. He rang the doorbell. No one answered. He rang it again. No one answered. He rang it again. No one answered. After he rang the doorbell approximately 63 times, Neal opened the door and let him in.

Daine's small living room was full of characters from any random book you can think of. Daine eventually tracked Fabio down, he had been avoiding her, and asked him if he had invited all of the people, and in some cases, animals.

"No, of course not!" shouted Fabio, it was very noisy.

"THEN WHY ARE THEY HERE!" shouted Daine even louder.

"Uhhhh...well...oh look at the time!"

"What about the time?"

"Uhhh...it's...ummmm...past my bedtime!"

"Fabio, it is 7:30!"

"Oh yeah, I knew that what I meant to say was-"

" I don't want to hear any more of your excuses!"

"But really, I didn't do it!"

"THEN WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE!"

"Well, I told Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Luna Lovegood, Moaning Myrtle, the Dementors, and The Dark Lord that they could bring as many friends as they wanted," said Fabio nervously. He tried to start a conversation with one of the Dementors to escape the situation, but that didn't work too well, because dementors cannot talk.

"FABIO!

"I'm sorry, ok! What do you want me to do about this?"

"Tell them all to go home!"

"Ok, I will" Fabio got up, moved a bowl of sour cream and onion chips, and stood up on the coffee table.

"I have an announcement to make! If you are not Daine, Numair, Alanna, Kel, Jon, Lexi, Eragon, or Neal, you have to leave now! There has been a misunderstanding and it turns out you aren't invited!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing, stared at Fabio, then continued their activity.

"HEY! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING! I SAID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE!" This seemed to be a bit more effective. Some of the dementors glided through the door and all the other random book people followed.

"See Daine?" said Fabio proudly. "I got everyone to leave."

"Good job. I'll see you soon."

"What are you talking about? It isn't really my bedtime!"

"Oh yeah. Well, see you around."

"No really, it's ok. I don't have to leave yet."

"Yeah, right. It was nice having you here, Fabio"

"But-" Jon came behind and whispered something into Fabio's ear. "Oh," said Fabio, "now I get it! It was very nice of you to invite me, Daine." He heard

Daine mutter something that sounded strangely like, "I didn't invite you." Then Daine walked to the front door and held it open for Fabio. Fabio left, feeling very disappointed.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi! This is Sandy, for once!

The next day… 

"Hey Fabio?"

"Mm?"

"I was reading those books you published," continued the voice. He wasn't too sure who it was, but he didn't feel like actually getting up to see. He pretended to be asleep.

"You know, the one called _The Woman Who Rides Like a Man?_"

Fabio recognized the voice now. _Ah. Oh, dear._ He raised his head. "Umm…er, hey, Alanna. What was it you wanted?"

She ran across the room with a book, which, coincidentally, was _The Woman Who Rides Like a Man_, pulled him off of the bed, and started beating him rather viciously about the head and shoulders with it. "YOU FLIPPING LITTLE SNEAK! HOW DARE YOU WRITE ABOUT THAT? HOW DID YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT?"

"OW! Stoppit! STOP!" yelled Fabio, trying to crawl under the bed. He said the first thing he could think of. "It wasn't me!"

Alanna stopped, looking at him suspiciously. "Who was it, then?"

"It was, um, um, er…HER!" he said, pointing to a random girl who happened to be walking past the house with a math book.

"AHHHH!" screeched Alanna as she ran outside. She began chasing the girl with the book. The girl saw her, yelled, "AHH! NO!" and started running. She was just a bit faster than Alanna, but not much. Fabio came outside just as Aly walked up. "H'lo, Aly."

"Hey, Fabio. Who's that Mama's chasing? And why?"

"Um. Well. Someone wrote a book about Alanna, and she didn't like it, and I told her that that girl wrote it."

"And…."

"And?"

They both jumped back as the girl and Alanna ran between them.

"Did she?"

"What?"

"Did she write it?

They jumped back again as the girl and Alanna came back.

"Well, no."

"Then who did?"

"Watch out!"

Aly began chewing on a piece of grass. "Wow, Mama's fast."

Fabio grinned. "That girl's faster." They both sat down on the grass, out of the way.

Alanna and the girl ran past again.

And again.

And again.

On the seventh time around, though, the girl dropped her math book into a convenient puddle. She stopped to grab it and Alanna tackled her with a roar and began smacking her with the book.

"HOW DARE YOU!"

"Serves her right," Fabio whispered to Aly. "She didn't like the book."

Meanwhile, the girl had managed to get away from Alanna. "SANDY!" she yelled at Sandy, who was standing on the other side of the street laughing. "YOU DID THIS!"

"I told you I was going to," gasped Sandy, trying not to laugh harder and completely failing.

"YAHH!" yelled the girl and ran after Sandy with her math book, which, unfortunately, was a hardcover. Sandy couldn't run as fast. She made it around the corner.

"AHH! NOO!" Fabio and Aly heard, followed by something that sounded like a person getting hit on the head with a hardcover math book. Snady and the girl appeared around the corner. Sandy was staggering, but she whispered, "There's something I…have to…tell you…"

"And that would be?"

"I'm not left handed!" Sandy pulled an oboe out of nowhere and started hitting the girl with it.

"There's something I have to tell you!" said the girl, blocking the oboe with her book.

"What, you're not left handed either?"

"No, actually, there's a florist behind you."

"AHHHH! IT'S A FLORIST!" yelled Sandy. She then ran off and was never seen again.

Fabio had picked up the oboe. Aly grabbed the girl's math book, pointed it at Fabio, and said, "Drop….your….oboe."

"But I can't! It's not mine! And it'll break!"

"Whatever," Aly shrugged. She walked off with the girl to get some ice cream, discussing self-defense as it relates to math books and oboes.

Numair came out of the house. "What was all that about?"

Fabio looked at the oboe in his hand and shrugged. "Nothing, Alanna and that girl were racing. Er, I don't suppose you know what to _do_ with this thing?"

**AN: The AHHH IT'S A FLORIST thing is a bit of an inside joke, sorry.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry this took so long to update. This chapter took me forever to write. **

Neal went to Borders to get Aly a math book. Or at least, he tried.

Flashback: Neal Gets Lost and Learns A Valuable Lesson

_Neal sighed at the paper in his hand. He never should have gotten directions from Aly. She wrote in code. So he called her._

_"Hello?"_

_"Hi. This is Neal."_

_"Oh." She covered the phone with her hand, but Neal could still hear. "Mom, it's Neal again. Can I go do my math homework?"_

_"No," said Neal._

_"What?"_

_"No, you can't. I haven't got you your math book yet."_

_"Oh." She sighed. "All right, what do you want? Make it quick."_

_"You wrote those directions to Borders in code."_

_"Ummm….no I didn't."_

_"Yes, you did."_

_"Try turning it over."_

_Neal did. Suddenly, he could read it. He hung up._

_Aly threw down the phone and stomped out of the room. "Mom!"_

_"What?"_

_"Neal hung up on me!" she yelled. _

_"But I thought you didn't like him!" said Alanna._

_"Well the _least_ he could do is _tell_ me when he's going to hang up!" said Aly. She stormed out of the house and went to go see Nawat._

_Meanwhile, Neal was lost. He'd ripped up the directions because he'd been mad at himself for being so stupid. Now, he had no idea where he was. He called Aly again._

_Aly's phone rang. She looked at it. "Oh crud, it's Neal. Would you answer it? And pretend that this is the wrong number?"_

_"Why?"_

_"Just do it."_

_"All right then." So Nawat answered Aly's phone with a British accent. "Hello?"_

_"Um, hi. This is Neal. Is Aly there?"_

_Nawat pretended to be puzzled. "Who?"_

_"Aly. This _is_ her phone, right?"_

_"No…who did you say this was?"_

_"Neal."_

_"Of Queenscove?"_

_"Yes."_

_Nawat grinned at Aly. "You must be mistaken. I'm Neal of Queenscove."_

_"No…I am."_

_"No. I am."_

_"You can't be!"_

_"Who else would I be?"_

_"…George? Is that you?"_

_"No. I told you, I'm Neal."_

_"But you can't be Neal! Then who am I? Hello?"_

_But Nawat had already hung up._

_Neal started to panic. He ran straight ahead and, as it happened, right in to an empty recital hall, well almost empty. Fabio was giving a recital, and there were two people in the audience, Daine, who was taking pictures, and Fabio's mom. Neal ran up on the stage, tripped, and fell right into the piano. Daine took a picture._

_"You look familiar," Neal yelled at Fabio. " Who am I? And where's Borders?" Fabio pointed down the nearest hallway and Daine pulled Neal out of the piano. Neal opened the door that Fabio had pointed to. He opened it and saw...Numair?_

_"What are you doing here?"Neal asked. "This isn't Borders!"_

_"Shhh! Don't let Fabio see me!"_

_"What? Who? Why? Where's Borders?"Neal said in one breath. Numair had already left to find a new place to hide, after making sure Fabio was looking the other way. Neal entered the closet. He didn't see anything that looked like Borders. He rested his hand on a broom leaning on the wall and then..._

_He was suddenly on a cold, stone floor. He stood up. He was standing in a long hallway near a portrait of a fat woman. It was a very strange place. The portraits seemed to be moving. A girl with bushy hair came up the stairs. When she saw him, she said, "Neville, did you forget the password again?"_

_Neal had no idea what she was talking about, but he decided to go along with it. The girl said "Flobberworm" and the portrait of the fat lady opened revealing a comfortable looking room. He followed her into the room and saw her sit next to two boys. Neal sat in a comfortable armchair not far away. He listened to them talk for awhile, then decided to go find Borders. _

_He asked a tall boy with red hair, who look at him like he was crazy. Then he turned to the black haired boy and whispered, "Do you reckon he's been confunded?"_

_Neville-I mean Neal- decided he should just go look for it himself. After about an hour of looking around a strange castle, plus fifteen minutes trying to pull his foot out of the trick step, he realized that it would be a good idea to ask for directions. He saw an extremely old man with a long white beard. _

_"Hey!" he yelled from across the corridor. "Where's Borders?" The man looked slightly puzzled, but pointed to an empty wall behind him. Neal looked really puzzled, but walked in that direction anyway. He thought, "I need to find Borders. I need to find Borders." Then he saw a door that he could have sworn was not there before. He opened it and saw that he was back where he was before. He didn't see Borders._

_He asked a person who was passing by. She said to cross the street and take four left turns. Neal did what she said, and when he took the last turn, he was right where he started. At Borders! Except facing the other way. He went inside. I would tell you how long it took Neal to find a math book, but that would take too long. _

_**End Flashback**_

One his way out, Neal saw a table that said "New Release." So he went over to it and looked at the books. It was some weird series by Tamora Pierce called The Immortals. He picked up the first book, which was called _Wild Magic_. It sounded strangely familiar for some reason…but whatever. He started to read it. It seemed like he knew exactly what would happen next. Plus, the main character really reminded him of someone he knew, though he couldn't think who. He had just started to pick up the last book, _The Realms of the Gods_, when somebody yelled "Get him!" and a bunch of people jumped out from nowhere and began beating him with celery and spoons.

That night, Neal thought about the lessons he learned that day. He made a list.

1. Do not ask Aly for directions. She might write in code.

2. When you find out you were holding the paper upside down, do no rip it up in anger.

3. Do not forget who you are.

4. Do not go into recital halls.

5. If you are in a recital hall, do not go on stage.

6. If you are in a recital hall on the stage, do not fall into a piano.

7. If you fall into a piano, do not let Daine take pictures.

8. If Daine takes pictures of you falling into a piano, do not let her post them online.

9. Never go into a closet. You could appear somewhere else.

10. Do not ask redheads for directions.

11. Do not forget to look behind you.

12. Do not read a book if the main character reminds you of someone you know. Celery and spoons are actually quite painful.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I meant this to be part of the next chapter, but I really wanted to post something, and I'm not sure how long it will take to write the rest of the chapter. A lot of the pairings are really wrong, but that's kind of the point. **

Preparing for Valentine's Day

Fabio looked out his window, groaning at the cold, dry February weather. February was the worst time of the year. Everything was cold, and night came earlier, and he couldn't even lock Numair out of the house, because Numair might get frostbite, something their mother worried about a lot.

Then Fabio had a thought that made him smile. Only three more days until Valentine's Day. He couldn't wait to give Daine the present he bought her. Ever since Daine showed up at his piano recital, Fabio had been in love with her.

Meanwhile, Numair was thinking. Thinking about Alanna. Thinking about what to get her for Valentine's day, to be more specific. The trouble was, he couldn't think of anything she wanted. She didn't like fancy clothes or expensive jewelry. Numair had thought about writing her a poem, before remembering his last attempt at poetry, which resulted in Daine ignoring him for a week and a half.

Then he got an idea. He remember Alanna's little black cat. At first, he thought of getting her a new kitten. But he remembered how much Alanna seemed to love that cat, and how their eyes were the exact same shade of purple. He had never seen a cat with purple eyes, other than Faithful. Another idea.

"No," he thought, "that would be too dangerous. What if..." but that thought was cut off by another thought.

"If Thom could bring back Roger, why couldn't I bring back a cat?"

Alanna was in a small room in the attic of Pirate's Swoop, also known as her office. (She didn't have much use for an office, being a knight.) She sat at her desk, with a Bic pen in her hand. She sighed. Aly had spilled water on her computer, and it was taking forever to get fixed.

She pressed her pen to the paper, and began to write.

"_There once was a king named Jon..."_

What rhymes with Jon? Alanna thought. Moron? Not exactly complimentary. Hmmm... More things rhyme with "king".

"_There once was a really great king,_

_who makes me want to sing._

_His name is Jon, he's not a moron,_

_and I'll love him till I'm dying."_

"There," thought Alanna. "A perfectly good piece of poetry."


	9. Chapter 9

Three days fly by, and soon it is Valentine's Day. Fabio wakes up early, preparing to go to Daine's house. Just as he was about to leave, the doorbell rings. Fabio rushes to answer the door. He looks out the window, and sees Daine. He fixes his hair, and opens the door.

"Hello Daine, darling," he says. Daine looks like she's going to throw up. "I got you a present!" Daine ignores him.

"I came to see Numair," Daine says bitterly.

"He's still sleeping," Fabio halfway-lies. Numair could be sleeping, but Fabio hadn't seen him in days. He hadn't left the basement for days, not even to eat dinner. Fabio knew he must have been working on one of his "important projects."

"Will you open the present? Please!" Fabio begged. "You'll love it!" Daine looked very suspicios. "I'll never bother you again! Please! Just open it!" Fabio begged. When Daine heard about never being bothered again, her face changed. She reluctantly began to rip the pink wrapping paper off the box. She opened the gift box, lifted the tissue paper, and saw...a fur coat!

At first, Daine just stared at the coat. Then she changed her attention to Fabio. She glared at him, then threw the box at him. Then she turned into a tiger and began to maul Fabio.

Meanwhile, Thayet was sulking around the palace, waiting for Jon to do _something_. It was Valentine's Day, and she expected something. A box of chocolates would be good at a time like this. When there was no sign of Jon after half an hour, she changed her attitude. After all, she had never even liked Jon that much. Who she really loved was...Fabio.

She started over to Fabio's house. When she got there, she heard the thud of something hitting the ground, then screaming and growling. She rushed in through the open door, and saw Fabio, being attacked by a tiger. She acted fast. She didn't know what to do, so she started throwing anything she could at the tiger. She threw three couch pillow, a vase of flowers, and a lightbulb at the tiger, but it didn't help. She reached for the box on the ground, and threw it. The corner of the box hit the tiger between the eyes, and the tiger ran away.

She turned to Fabio. He was bleeding, but he didn't seem to be very badly hurt.

"Are you alright," Thayet asked. "What happened?"

" I guess Daine didn't like her Valentine's Day present," said Fabio, in a surprising calm voice, considering he'd just been attacked by a tiger.

Fabio's mother came down the stairs in her pajamas, awakened by the noise downstairs.

"FABIO!" she yelled. "WHAT IN THE WORLD..." she saw Fabio bleeding and Thayet talking to him. She called the hospital, and asked Thayet to leave. Thayet walked away from the house, dissapointed her meeting with Fabio didn't go better. But she had saved his life, so maybe it wasn't that bad.

When she got back to the palace, she went to her room, and sat on the window seat, with her back to the window.

Neal, who always leaves thing to the last minute, tried to thing of something to do for Valentine's Day. He wanted to surprise Thayet with something, but he didn't know what. He thought of the usual things, like flowers or chocolates, but he figured that wasn't very creative. He couldn't think. He'd had "Think of Me" stuck in his head for the longest time. That gave him an idea...

Neal arrived at the palace. He started looking in windows to try to figure out where Thayet was. Then he spotted her shiny hair in an upstairs window.

"THAYET!" he yelled. She didn't hear him. He yelled louder, but she still didn't hear. Neal picked up a tiny pebble from the ground, and threw it at the window. He missed. He pick up another one, about the same size. This one hit the window, but it didn't make enough sound for anyone to notice it. He pick up a larger rock. He threw it, but it didn't go anywhere near the window. When it fell back down, he picked it up again, and threw it as hard as he could toward Thayet's window. It broke the glass, and hit Thayet hard on the back of the head, and she passed out.

Neal planned on sneaking away and pretending it never happened. Thayet would be fine, and Jon certainly had enough money to fix the window. Sure, they would wonder what happened. But there are some questions that are never answered. Yes, Neal's plan would be perfect. What he didn't know was that Jon had come up behind him and watched the whole thing.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!"Jon yelled. Neal turned around.

"I didn't mean to hit her. Really. I just wanted to uhh... ask her...what time it is."

"NEAL! I'VE TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES TO STAY AWAY FROM THE PALACE! AND NOW I FIND YOU SNEAKING AROUND, THROWING ROCKS AT WINDOWS!"

"Please, sir. I'm sorry. I hope she isn't badly hurt. I would never want to hurt Thayet."

"What! I was talking about the window. Do you know how much that will cost to fix!"

Just as Neal was about to say he didn't, they heard a horse coming very close. They turned around and saw Kel and Peachblossom.

Kel mounted Peachblossom, and went to find Neal almost an hour ago. First, she stopped at his house, of course. When he wasn't there, she went to other places he liked to be. Panera, Borders, random places getting lost...she looked everywhere. She had given up on finding him, so she went to the palace to talk to Thayet. She saw a tall, brown haired boy throw a rock at the window. When the window shattered, she knew it must be Neal.

She rode over to Neal, preparing to ask him over for a romantic dinner at her house.

"Hello Neal," she said completely ignoring Jon. Jon cleared his throat. "Oh, Hello Jon." Before she could say anything about dinner, Peachblossom turned his head, and bit Neal. Neal yelped and ran away. Kel rode in the opposite direction, embaressed.

Jon stared in her direction for a few seconds. He forgot all about Thayet, and ran after her. This was his chance.

Luckily for Jon, Kel wasn't riding very fast, so he could almost keep up. He chased Kel all the way across town. He chased her past Borders and Panera. He chased her past the girl with the math book, who ran away at the sight of anyone who was friends with Alanna. When Kel got to her house, Jon stopped running, and hid behind a tree. He watched Kel go inside, then considered ringing the doorbell.

Just when he was about to ring the doorbell, someone tapped him on the shoulder. It was Alanna.

"Shhh," he hissed. "Don't let Kel know-"

"Jon," said Alanna seriously, "I want to recite a poem I wrote about you." Jon tried to run, but Alanna gripped his wrist tightly.

"There once was a really great king, who makes me want to sing. His name is Jon, he's not-" Jon had heard enough. He ran to find a place where Alanna couldn't find him. Someone tapped Alanna on the shoulder. It was Numair.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," he said. "Come with me, I have something to show you." Alanna followed Numair back to his house. She followed him into the basement, which was were Numair did all his work. "Stand back," said Numair. Alanna took three steps backwards, bumbed into a wall, and decided she was far enough. Numair started to do some type of spell that Alanna had never even heard of before. Brightly colored fire flashed, and things moved. Then it was quiet.

"Faithful," said Numair proudly. "I brought him back for you." Alanna screamed. She looked behind Numair and saw...Roger! Alanna pulled out her sword and decided who to kill first.

Daine was upstairs, still in tiger form. She would have changed back, except for that problem with clothes. She saw Numair and Alanna go to the basement, when she heard a scream, she ran down the stairs. She saw Alanna, ready to stab Numair with her sword. Daine wanted to help, but she didn't know what she could do. Then she remembered Alanna's greatest fear.

Daine turned into a llama, and ran towards Numair. Alanna dropped her sword and ran screaming from the house.

Overall, it had been a bad day for everyone. In fact, the only person who really had a good day was...Roger.


	10. Chapter 10

**Diclaimer: I don't own anything, except this computer, and an assortment of random stuff. **

"Daine, can you come over to my house," Numair asked. "I want to talk to you about something."

"We're talking now. Just tell me."

"I can't. It has to be in person."

"Okay. I'll be there in a few minutes." Daine hung up. She _knew _that Numair was finally going to propose. She had saved his life yesterday. And he had realized that they should be together forever. Daine looked in the mirror. She wanted to look perfect. What she was wearing wasn't perfect. She ended up changing her clothes a total of 23 times before she felt ready to go to Numair's house.

When she got there, she could tell he had been waiting for her. He opened the door almost immediatly after she had rung the bell. They sat down in the living room. Numair looked serious, they way he always did before saying soemething important.

"Daine, I'm not really sure how to say this," he said hesitantly. "You've been a very important part of my life for the past few years. I want to thank you for everything you've done for me. But yesterday I realized," he paused here, and looked at Daine, who looked strangely excited, given the situation. "I realized that, maybe we weren't meant to be together after all. And...and...and," he stopped here, not knowing what to say next. But Daine understood.

"Do you mean you're breaking up with me?" she asked, surprised, almost sarcastic.

"Yeah."

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What Daine didn't know was that that morning, Fabio and Numair had discussed Valentine's day over toast, scrambled eggs, and, in Fabio's case, pickles with mango chutney. (For some reason, they were on speaking terms.) After summarizing the various events of the day, Fabio and Numair realized that someone had saved both of their lives.

"Hey...wait...We were both in life threatening situations and were suddenly rescued by a girl yesterday?" Numair said after taking a sip of coffee.

"Yeah, what a weird coincidence," Fabio replied. "What I want to know, is what was Thayet doing in our house?"

"That's weird...I wonder if she likes you or something."

"I dunno. It_ was_ Valentine's Day."

"Yeah, but maybe she's just, a good person, or something."

"But Daine saved you, and everyone knows that she loves you."

"How do they know that?"

"Because you've been going out forever."

"Oh yeah, well, just because you're going out with someone doesn't necessarily mean you love them." Their was an awkward pause while Fabio pondered what Numair had just said.

"Wait..." he started slowly. "Are you saying...that...you don't love Daine?"

"Uhh...maybe?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Well...mumble mumble Alanna... mumble mumble"

"Can I have her?"

"WHAT!"

"If you don't love her, then why do you care?"

"One, because I can't just 'give' her to you, and two, because even though I don't love her, I wouldn't want anyone to be stuck with you."

"But maybe she likes me..."

"Believe me, she doesn't"

"I have a deal for you. You break up with her so that I can have a chance, and I'll -"

"- Will you let me use the computer again?"

"Yeah. Deal?"

"Deal."

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Later that evening, Daine received a phone call. She jumped when she saw "Numair-Home" on the caller ID, hoping he was calling to say that it was all a mistake. She let it ring two more times (she didn't want him to think she was just sitting by the phone, even though she was) then picked up.

"Hey Daine." It was Fabio's voice.

"What do you want, Fabio?"

"Oh just calling to say hi"

"You already did."

"Well actually I wanted to know if you wanted to see a movie or something sometime?"

"Sure," Daine said. "But not with you."

"Oh, ok then, see you later." He hung up. This is when Daine realized that she needed to get a new boyfriend as soon as possible.

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Daine went outside and sat on her front porch. She decided that she would ask out the next person who walked by her house. She heard "Think of Me," from Phantom of the Opera, which was her ring tone. She reminded herself to change it; it had been "their song." She knew this time that it would be Fabio. After the call went to voicemail, Daine opened her phone to change the ring tone. When she got to the page, however, she couldn't bear to change the song. She remembered...they were going to get married. A tear came to her eye. Soon she was sobbing.

"What's wrong, Daine?" Aly said, appearing out of nowhere.

"You wouldn't understand, Aly..."

"I'm thirteen, Daine. I'm not a baby. I'll understand." Daine remembered meeting Numair for the first time when she was thirteen.

"Yesterday, when I saved Numair from Alanna, I thought he would finally ask me to marry him...but...he broke up with me...and now Fabio won't stop calling me-" Her phone started to ring again. Daine threw it into the bushes. "-and I need to find a new boyfriend...before I run out of excuses for Fabio...but why would Numair break up with me...Does he like Alanna or something?" Daine relized that she had made a mistake as soon as she saw the look on Aly's face.

"Well...I mean I'm sure he doesn't...your mum's married anyway...I'm sure there was nothing going on between them...I mean-"

"I can help you, y'know."

"What?"

"I can help you. Find a new boyfriend, I mean."

"Oh, Aly, that's okay..." Her phone rang again, from the bushes. "Well...on second thought..."

"Don't worry I know someone perfect. I'll introduce him to you if you go to Panera tomorrow and buy me two lemon poppyseed muffins and a cinnamon raisin bagel."

"Well, okay..."

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That afternoon, Neal delivered Aly's math book.

"Sorry I couldn't have gotten it to you sooner, but yesterday was Valentine's Day, and I was sort of busy."

"Doing what?" Aly asked innocently.

"Not like that!" Neal was shocked that Aly would think of such things at such a young age. But then he thought of himself at thirteen... " I tried to talk to Thayet, but it didn't go so well. Kel wouldn't stop following me. I didn't know she still liked me. I thought she realized a long time ago that I didn't like her. What about Cleon?"

"That ended a long time ago, Neal. You never know any gossip. I bet you don't even know that Daine and Numair broke up."

"How do you know that?"

"Facebook. Anyway, even if you don't know gossip, you should at least know about Kel. I thought you were friends..."

"Well, we don't talk that much anymore. It's a little awkward to talk to a 'friend' who won't stop staring at you. If only she had a boyfriend..." There was one of those awkward silences. Aly was trying to find a way to get Neal to go home so she could start doing math, and Neal was trying to find a boyfriend for Kel.

"I've got an idea!" Neal shouted. "Dom! Kel would probably like him. You know, some people say we look alike...But I'm not sure if Dom would be interested..." At this moment, Aly had an idea. And she knew that she could make it work. But she had to pretend to go along with Neal...

"Well, then don't tell him who it is." Neal gave her a confused look. "Tell him to go to Panera tomorrow. You can tell him to look for that girl who buys...two lemon poppyseed muffins and a cinnamon raisin bagel."

"That's not a bad idea..."

"Here," Aly said, while quickly writing on a scrap of paper. "You can give these directions to Kel. So she doesn't get lost."

Neal forgot that he had sworn not to trust Aly's directions. And this time she had written in code, of a sort. She had switched every 'right' with a 'left' and vice versa.

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Daine followed Aly's directions. The next morning at 10:00, she walked into Panera. She waited in line, then bought two lemon poppyseed muffins and a cinnamon raisin bagel. When she was about to leave, a guy who kind of looked like Neal walked up to her.

"Hi, I'm Dom."

"I know. I remember you from Neal's party. I'm Daine"

"I know. I read those books about you."

"Oh...those aren't true at all...my ex-boyfriend's little brother wrote them...it's kind of a joke."

"Oh, they were good. I thought you were very brave."

"Oh, well maybe that's true...the only part that isn't true is...nevermind."

"Ummm...Do you want some coffee, or something?" Daine let Dom buy her a coffee, and they sat down at a table.

After they had been talking for awhile, Daine asked the question that she had been wondering about since Dom had first started talking to her.

"So, Dom," she asked. "Why did you start talking to me today?" Dom had been instructed by Neal not to tell her that Neal set them up, so Dom came up with a quick excuse. Which happened to be a song from a musical.

**(This is from Wicked, if you don't know. And if you haven't seen/heard Wicked, I'm sorry, because I know its really annoying to read a song you don't know)**

_"Its because...It's because you are so beautiful." _Somehow, Daine knew exactley what came next, even though she had never heard the song before, and joined the singing.

_"Oh Dom, I think you're wonderful. And we deserve each other don't you see this is our chance. We deserve each other-"_

_"Let's dance." _Daine thought it might look a little weird to start dancing in the middle of a Panera.

_"What!"_ Then random stage hands came and moved all the tables and chairs to the edge the restaurant. Daine decided it would be okay after all, since a band had also come, playing the same song that Dom was singing.

_"Let's dance!"_ Daine began to dance with Dom, and then all the other people in Panera started dancing, with the same choreography. And then they started to sing, too.

_"Dancing through life, Down at Panera, only because crumbs are what we come to! Nothing matters but knowing nothing matters, it's just life, so keep dancing through."_

When the music stopped, all the tables came back, and everyone returned to normal, or as normal as they ever were, and acted like nothing had happened. Daine remembered Aly, waiting at home for her muffins and bagel, so she told Dom she had to go. Just as she was leaving, Dom shouted at her, "Do you want to meet me at Borders later tonight?" Daine shouted back. "Yes."

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Daine went to Aly's house to deliver her pastries. She rang the doorbell 18 times, then figured that Aly probably wouldn't come to the door if she was doing math, so she walked right in. She was right, Aly was doing math. Since Daine didn't want to interrupt her, she left the bag of pastries on the kitchen table, with a note that said, "Thanks for trying to help me, but I don't need you to find me a boyfriend anymore. I think I found one myself."

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Neal called Dom later that afternoon.

"So," he asked, "How was your date?"

"Surprisingly, it was pretty good. I'm meeting her again tonight at Borders."

"Wow...I wasn't sure you would like Kel."

"Kel?"

"Yeah. You can't even remember her name?"

"I can remember her name. It was Daine."

"What! What happened to Kel! Did you find the wrong girl, Dom?"

"No! I waited for someone to buy two lemon poppyseed muffins and a cinnamon raisin bagel."

"Dom! You idiot! You were supposed to wait for someone who ordered a cinnamon raisin muffin and two lemon poppyseed bagels!"

"Neal, there's no such thing as a lemon poppyseed bagel!"

"Well...there should be!"

He hung up. Then he realized that he didn't solve his problem with Kel. He didn't even know what had happened to her. He didn't really want to call Kel, because she might get the wrong idea, but how else was he supposed to find out... His phone rang. It was Kel.

"Neal! I'm so sorry I wasn't there today! I got lost!" Then Neal remembered what had happened to him when Aly had given him directions. But Kel didn't give him time to tell her that if she had flipped over the directions, she might have been able to get to Panera.

"Neal! Neal! Are you listening to me?" She didn't give him time to say that he wasn't listening. "I'm still lost! Can you come pick me up?"

"How can I pick you up unless I know where you are?"

"Ummm...You can follow Aly's directions. I'll read them to you."

"I don't know Kel... Maybe you should call Merric or Seaver or Cleon."

"But Neal..."

"Okay fine!

When Neal finally found Kel (she was by a random gas station, the complete opposite direction from Panera), she got into the car.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it today Neal. I was really looking forward to it." Neal drove with one hand on the wheel. Kel tried to grab the other one, but Neal squaked and decided that it would be a good time to start driving with both hands on the wheel.

"Kel, I told...Cleon that I would give him a ride, too." He picked up his phone and called Cleon, although it was illegal in Tortall to talk on a cell phone and drive at the same time. He thought that this situation would be considered an emergency.

"Hey, Cleon, where are you?"

"I'm at my house, why?"

"Oh, Okay, I'll be there to pick you up in a minute."

"What? I don't need to be picked up! What-" Neal hung up before Cleon had a chance to finish.

When Neal pulled up at Cleon's house, he told Kel to wait in the car while he got Cleon. He rang the doorbell, and Cleon opened the door, looking confused and annoyed.

"Neal, I don't know what you're talking about but-"

"Okay, I can explain. I had to pick up Kel, and now-"

"Wait! Kel's there! Why didn't you tell me. Of course I'll go!" He ran towards the car. Kel didn't seem very happy to see Cleon. Cleon sat in the backseat, behind Neal, so he could see Kel. Neal was driving as fast as possible. He pulled up at Kel's house.

"Neal, thank you so much for giving me a ride home. I means a lot to me that you-"

"Uh...Kel, I have to go. I uhh...left some chicken in the oven."

"I love chicken. I wish I had something good to eat for dinner tonight. I'll probably just eat leftovers, because I can't cook, not even-"

"Well, I also ummm left my jeans in the dryer and if I don't take them out, they'll shrink."

"Well, I can help you if you want."

"That's okay, Kel, I think I can handle my own jeans." At this point, Cleon burst into the conversation.

"You can help me with my jeans, Kel." Kel ignored him.

"Are you _sure _ you do't need any help Neal?"

"I'm _completely_ sure Kel."

"Oh, well, I'll come anyway. I would love to spend the evening with you." Neal could only think of one way to get out of that situation.

"Kel, I would love to, but I don't think...I don't think Daine would like it."

"What does Daine have to do with this."

"Well, Kel, I didn't mean to tell you this way, but...we're engaged. We'll be married in June." Kel burst from the car, sobbing, and ran into her house. Cleon just stared at Neal.

When Neal thought about the situation later that night, he realized what a mess he had made. But then he considered the alternative, and decided that he had made the right decision. Anyway, Aly had mentioned that Daine and Numair had just broken up. Surely Daine would be looking for a new boyfriend to make Numair jealous, or at least to keep Fabio away from her. Either way, she had gotten the new boyfriend she was looking for. Well, fiance, to be exact.

**AN: Please review! Any suggestions for future chapters would be appreciated. **


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